The face of death for athletic men weighing over 206 pounds.

Brock Lesnar is returning to the UFC a picture of health. It turns out he had diverticulosis, and hates Canadian hospitals, and shrinks to the size of only two men when on the verge of death. Seriously, he went down to a meager 248 pounds at his lightest. That’s just under 113 kilos for us metric folk, and he’s back up to 273 pounds, apparently. Dude is huge.

His return will be in summer (winter for us Southern hemisphere folk), against the winner of Frank Mir vs Shane Carwin. If you thought that Brock must be sick of fighting Mir by now, you’d be wrong. He loves his stalker, and looks forward to beating him down again. Considering Mir’s increase in size, though, and his obsessive training to beat Lesnar, there’s no way that fight would be an easy comeback bout for Brock.

Of course, that all assumes Mir will beat Carwin… but I’m not sure that’s really a question. I’m a little bit scared of Frank Mir right now. He’s got a kind of a creepy serial killer vibe going with everything he says about Lesnar. Shane Carwin is the only thing standing between Mir and Lesnar. It could get ugly. Also, while Dana White said that the winner of Nogueira vs Velasquez would fight Brock if the winner of Mir vs Carwin got injured, I think Mir would fight Lesnar under any circumstances. He could be getting eaten away by a staph infection, with one eye missing, a collapsed lung, and a swollen brain – he’d still come to the fight.

Welcome back, Brock Lesnar. May you be the UFC’s monster to frighten children with for many years to come. Just look out for Frank Mir in the bushes. He wants to take one of your arms for his Brock Lesnar shrine.

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